Wednesday, January 17, 2018
Thursday, January 4, 2018
They all raided the vending machines, because that was really the only option and then wandered upstairs to find a room. They were exhausted after being kidnapped and strung up in a storage container in the swelteringly hot desert. Lexy was tired for other reasons. The healing job she’d done before having to scale the wall of a ravine and then spending the day wandering aimlessly through the desert while seriously energy deprived had done her in. She was looking forward to a good night’s sleep. After they’d chosen their room, Lexy kicked off her flip flops, looked at Grey and flirtatiously said, “Want to have a shower?”
He blankly shrugged and answered, “Sounds like a plan.”
She got up to follow him and when she turned the knob, he’d locked the bathroom door. That was weird. Maybe, he was just too exhausted to even contemplate it? Lexy stretched out on the bed and closed her eyes, planning to rest them for only a second and she fell into a deep comatose slumber.
She opened her eyes in the darkened room and heard the rhythmic soothing sound of Grey’s steady breathing. Lexy smiled as she realized that she’d fallen asleep without bathing. Usually, Grey would have at least given her a sponge bath but last night he hadn’t. He must have been absolutely wiped. She swung her legs over the edge of the bed and padded barefoot across the carpet to the bathroom where she decided a middle of the night shower was probably better than not having one at all. After a lengthy shower, she realized she had no clean clothes to put on. She slipped her sandy clothes back on and carefully slipped back onto the bed so she wouldn’t wake her dead to the world Handler. After about twenty minutes of trying to rest she sat up and watched him sleep for a while. Lexy smiled as she gently shifted his long wheat colored bangs off of his face.
He opened his eyes grinned and whispered, “Are you watching me?”
Lexy smiled as she quietly replied, “I got up to have a shower and now I can’t sleep.” She stroked his hair again and added, “Go back to sleep, don’t worry about me.”
Grey stretched, yawned and said, “What time is it?”
She yawned her reply and then slapped him and he chuckled. Lexy leaned forward and provocatively whispered, “Maybe I just need this.” She kissed Grey’s lips and when their lips parted he had this puzzled expression on his face.
He knit his brow as he uncomfortably questioned the intimacy of her gesture, “What was that for?”
Oh, no. He was gone. She was going to be sick. Even though she’d known this moment was inevitable, it felt like her heart had just been smoked by a big rig. She turned away from him, swung her legs over the edge of the bed, swallowed the hurt and sat there trying to control her reaction.
He touched her back and said, “Hey, Lex, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I mean…I just don’t think of you that way.”
She blinked away the tears that had formed against her will and told herself to shut it down. It’s over. You knew this was coming. Suck it up, Lexy. Without looking at him she calmly stated, “It was nothing.” But it wasn’t. She laughed it off and sparred, “Come on, as if I’d be interested in you, Greydon. Get over yourself.”
He seemed relieved as he laughed, “I knew you were joking.”
Lexy rose to her feet, glancing back at him to playfully stick out her tongue then she turned and briskly retreated into the bathroom. She locked the door and sat on the edge of the tub. It had happened. Lexy covered her eyes with both hands as she silently sobbed. She’d allowed the loss of their intimacy to gut her once again. When had this happened? It was then that it sunk in. He’d died in the car crash. If Azariah had seen him while he was in the in-between she would have asked him to make the choice. He’d probably thought he was helping her, by making the decision, his alone. She knew how they worked. It was all about the selfless choices and greater good. She heard the rapping sound of his knuckles on the door, followed by, “Hey, Lex. Are you okay? Listen, I know you have needs. You know Orin and Zach are both available, I just don’t think it should be me.”
Oh, was he frigging serious? Now, she was absolutely livid. She gave him a viciously cold response, “No thanks, I’m saving myself for Tiberius.” Her spiteful comeback was met by dead silence on his end and she knew the verbal dagger she’d tossed at him had hit its intended mark. Lexy cringed as Grey dramatically slammed the motel room door. She wandered out of the bathroom and sat down on the edge of the bed. They’d both handled that situation badly. She knew she needed to go and find him. She’d just apologize and try to get over it. He hadn’t done anything wrong. She was the asshole in this scenario. Lexy left the room fully intending on kissing his ass but as she stepped out into the hallway she saw him duck into the room Melody had gone into earlier. She started to walk down the hallway, paused in front of the fire alarm and thought of pulling on it but what would that serve to accomplish? He couldn’t remember that he loved her and Melody was completely innocent. Feeling emotionally defeated, Lexy descended the stairs and wandered over to the vending machine at the end of the hall. It had been strategically picked over and everything she wanted was already gone. She sighed…wasn’t life frigging hilarious, it was even screwing up her choice of potato chips. She waved one of her hands in front of what she was willing to settle for and it dropped into the metal bin below. Lexy sat down on the floor in the hallway and tore open the package of plain bland chips. She hadn’t even put the first chip in her mouth when she felt someone watching her and looked up, it was Grey.
He sheepishly smiled and asked, “Can I sit here with you?”
Confused, she nodded her silent consent and he got his own bag of less than satisfying chips out of the picked over vending machine and sat down beside her.
Grey grinned and sheepishly began to speak, “I’ll be the one to start then…I’m sorry, I panicked when you kissed me. Maybe, it’s because it’s not supposed to happen? I just need you to know that it wasn’t that I didn’t like it and if that’s what you want I’m in.”
Oh, Lordy. She was going to bang her head against the wall until she knocked herself out. She couldn’t keep doing this with him. Lexy didn’t know what to say, but she knew she needed to change the subject so she blurted out, “I slept with Orin.”
Intrigued by her risqué confession her Handler scolded, “You’re a naughty little fibber, you acted like nothing happened between the two of you.”
She shoved him and whispered, “You say nothing to anyone. It’s private and I don’t even know if I want it to be anything.”
He motioned like he was zipping his lips. He tossed away the imaginary key, smiled and promised, “I won’t say a word. This is a good thing. Oh, I get it, the Tiberius comment was a joke. Well, I feel like an idiot now for making that kiss a bigger deal than it was supposed to be. See, that’s why you have to tell me these things, I just made a complete and total ass of myself.”
What had she just done? She felt a little bit guilty. She’d just launched herself into a relationship with Orin in Grey’s head. She should admit to it all and confess everything right now because in her experience little white lies always got out of hand rather quickly. Instead of a confession, Lexy opted to just change the subject as she questioned, “So, it didn’t work out with Mel?”
“We had an argument. I knew I wasn’t going to get any sleep until we hashed it out…plus I think she might be into someone else.” Grey explained as they started to make their way back to their room. Once there, they both lay their heads on their pillows. Greydon was off to sleep in no time at all, completely unaware of the excruciatingly painful vacancy the loss of their intimacy had caused in her heart. She ached for his touch. This time she had to fill that vacancy and take advantage of the distance they had when his memory had been freshly erased. It was time to start the healing process…again.