Wednesday, February 11, 2015

I'll kill you my damn self if you finish that sentence

Grey could obviously still feel something tickling his leg. He glared at the next usual suspect. He teased, “Listen Lily, no means no.”
            Lily said, “Do try to get over it Grey. I’m afraid that ship has sailed.”
             “Okay, not funny. That was half way up my leg.” Grey accused as his eyes widened.
            “Oh shit,” he squealed and hissed, “Get out of the booth, get out! Oh my God, there is something furry in my pants!”
             “That’s what she said,” Zach whispered to the group.
             Everyone began to howl laughing as Grey began to squeal, “Oh crap, oh crap!” He undid his pants and squeamishly struggled out of them. His pants left in a bundle on the restaurant floor to the other patrons’ astonishment. Grey stood there for just a second frozen in terror. He was wearing nothing but his tight gray colored underwear. He began to jump around like a girly girl squealing,” Oh shit, shit, shit!”
The pants on the floor began to move and then out from under them crawled the largest black rat any of them had ever laid eyes on. They all began to howl, laughing in unison. Grey squealed and shrieked like a little girl. He jumped up on the seat in the booth. Zach was hysterically laughing to the point of crying.
            “I’m out of here,” Grey stammered, “that grotesque creature was in my pants.”
            “That’s what she said,” Frost added to the long standing clan joke.
            The waitress walked up and picked up the rat and chuckled, “Sorry, this is the boss’s kid’s pet. He must have gotten out somehow. It’s not a wild rat or anything, it’s just a house pet.”
            “Your house pet was in my pants,” Grey hissed causing some of them to sputter a bit of laughter out even while attempting to stop.
            Zach whispered, “That’s what ...”
            Grey raised his hand and threatened, “I swear if you finish that sentence I will kill you in your sleep.”
            “Okay sweetie,” Lexy whispered. “You can sit down now. The big bad rat is gone.”
            The waitress walked away holding the rat in her arms. It was as big as a cat. Grey murmured, “Just a house pet.” He stared at the waitress intensely for a second and her skirt fell off. She squealed and ran into the back room without letting go of the rat.
            Lexy grabbed Grey’s arm and yanked him to back down on the bench seat. “You’re a grown man. Was that really necessary?”
            Grey gave Lexy an innocent look and said, “I’ll give her a good tip.”
            Zach said, “Just the...?

            Lexy scowled at Zach and said, “I’ll kill you my damn self if you finish that bloody sentence.”

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